When did I become so boring?
Lately, I have been having an interior design breakdown, which always results in a breakthrough.
I am sure some of you can relate to this no matter what your profession.
Sometimes, it takes our friends to tell us the truth.
Someone from the outside looking in to figure out what is going on with us.
The great part about friendships is that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, so we can be met with the truth and empathy.
I've been stuck in this place where I feel as though I have lost my creativity and innovation.
It isn't the first time I have ever felt this way.
I have been a creative my entire life, so it is something that I find I continually question along this sometimes lonely path.
When I was younger, I had the privilege of working with one of the most brilliant choreographers, Scott Chandler.
I always admired Scott for the way he created - the process.
It was organic, natural, and never contrived.
Even though it was dance, I found ways to apply his process to interior design.
My fondest memories are of design school and the projects I created for imaginary clients.
I wasn't scared to make mistakes.
I was willing to take chances - even if they were not the best choices.
I didn't put preconceived expectations on myself of what was good or bad.
One of the hardest parts about transitioning from being an employee of someone else to being the creative visionary of your own company is finding your voice.
It's gotten better over the years.
I no longer question the choices I make and wonder what a previous designer I worked for would think of them.
I've been struggling to find my voice as an interior designer.
I've been struggling to find my point of view as a decorator.
I've been struggling to find where I fit into this profession.
Well, I came out of the womb marching to the beat of my own drummer; but lately, the cadence has been dampened by the the fear and doubt in my mind.
I never fit into anyone's box, so why am I forcing myself to fit into one, now?
After sitting at this table alone and uncomfortable with my feeling, it is time to wipe the slate clean and start again.
I find that sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom and climb your way back out of the grotto.
When did I become so boring?
I still don't have an answer to that question; but now, it is time to quit living in the past and start looking at what I can do differently.
All the rules and expectations I have put on myself are being taken out with the trash.
The tried and true formulas and rules of design have been ripped to shreds.
No more playing it safe because of fear and doubt.
I don't know where this is going and what the results will be.
It is time to start playing again and like a naughty boy - break all the rules.
On the other side of this breakdown, there will be a glorious breakthrough.